Old book, new understanding…

15 August 2020

Yet he was always the seeker. The seeker of something that lay continually beyond his reach. Eagerly he sought that mystical something in the heart of a rose, the face of a child, or the tenderness of a woman. He could not find the love that his life was spent in seeking.

‘Thou art the seeker, but there are others too, countless millions, walking before thee, behind thee, or beside thee. The answer is God—and God lies within as Jesus said that day upon the mountainside, ‘The kingdom of God is within you!’

From Stranger by the River, by Paul Twitchell

This book has been a constant companion for many years, the haunting beauty of its prose source of contemplation and reflection. Yet, this time around, in the reading, in allowing the musical flow of its words to penetrate deeply within my heart, it has become new and fresh bringing new understanding and insights.

I had no idea, those many years ago, still very much a child, that is seeking love in another, I was looking for God. The word ‘God’ in itself was anathema to me when so much pain had been inflicted in Its name. It has been a fresh discovery to understand that, as the writer continues:

the form was only the instrument through which love seeks it way into the world.

Who would have thought that falling in love was a key to find Divine Love? That it was the opportunity to learn to give and receive love in all its facets and to do so unconditionally, completely, without reservation. How blessed I feel in this novel understanding! 💙


2 August 2020

Most of my life I have been held prisoner by a desire to prove myself…only, I wasn’t aware of it.

It was only recently that I made the connection between many events in my life and the vital link that connected the dots.

Once upon a time, in my desire to discover and prove myself, I first sought love, or, more correctly, I chose seeking the approval of one person who would  love me simply for who I was. As time passed and the outcome wasn’t what I considered successful, I changed direction.

Love still figured highly, but this time it was expressed in my choice of career or love of work. Over may years, I held many and varied jobs. They extended from labouring to management positions. I loved them all—even though at times the degree of my love varied depending on those I encountered or the position I filled.

Each and every job taught me much about life and people, and, most of all, about myself. Eventually, as circumstances improved, I begun to genuinely appreciate the gift of life and the many opportunities that came my way.

By then, I had love and love of work down pat, but it seems it wasn’t quite enough. So my next step was to seek love of creativity.  I launched myself into this endeavour with my usual enthusiasm and set to become a visual artist. I surprised myself—astonished more like it— by setting ambitious goals and achieving them in a short time.

Something profound however, had changed within me during these productive years. To my great surprise I discovered I was Soul, a spiritual being and could, if I let it, be guided by divine love. Still prompted by that old desire to prove myself, I had a few exhibitions, sold some artworks and, when asked if I was an artist, I responded with a resounding and heartfelt ‘Yes!’

As life went on, new challenges emerged, clearly aimed at refining my understanding of life and my purpose in it. New work opportunities presented themselves and the ‘artist’ persona seemed to slowly vanish. In the last few years, creativity came to the fore once again and I found myself compelled to write a book about some of my life’s most unusual  adventures. It was a project finally brought to completion this year thanks to the self-imposed isolation forced by Covid19.

A question suddenly presented itself to me: was I an author because I published a book? That’s when I realised I was no more an author than I had been an artist twenty years ago. In both instances, I was urged and guided into these creative pursuits by inner guidance, merely a channel for something greater, for the love of life itself.

And in that process I completely lost the need to prove myself, finally free of one more chain holding back my progress on the road to spiritual freedom.

Positivity in time of Covid19

11 July 2020

Received from a friend. Not my story but worth sharing especially at a time when so much negativity is doing the rounds.💙

“Today I have time to think and recall, so I want to clear up some misconceptions of the Covid19 lockdowns in the public towers. You, my family and friends have shown so much concern and support, and this is also a great debriefing for me. This is probably jumbled to read, but whilst things are fresh in my mind I wanted to write it down.

The last few days have been a plethora of emotions and a humbling experience. After working with the community for Covid19 testing, I was unsure what we would experience at the public housing towers, where they were under total lockdown. The media had portrayed them as being full of hostility, drug and alcohol concerns, and as I saw it, a frightening place to go. They had shown residents pleading for help for food and basic supplies, protests and a lot of anger.

Over the last few days, our amazing team from Knox attended the towers in Flemington and North Melbourne. When I first arrived and found the massive police presence and strict lock down, my heart was in my mouth. I have not been exposed to public housing, violence or police incidents. The media were set up outside in the roads and I was reminded of the news stories I had seen. We were guided in to don our PPE and then our teams were the first to be gathered to start working our way through each floor.

We waited for what seemed like an eternity whilst the logistics of the police accompanying us were coordinated. We were in teams of two nurses and two police and had a trolley set up with all our needs. Its weird, as this trolley became “ours” and was part of our team and we were so protective of it. At one stage we had to leave it downstairs when we doffed and had a quick break for a drink in a different building. We entrusted the police to guard it. Well that didn’t work as when we got back a box of gloves was gone. From then on, for the next two days we placed a piece of paper with “Fiona and Lisa’s trolley, please do not touch”. I’m sure there is a psychological reason for this attachment as we became very possessive.

We were given a list of residents on each floor and started at the first apartment and continued until the last had been visited on each floor. The tests were purely voluntary, yet not one resident said no. They were incredibly thankful, respectful and grateful for us being there. We started writing our names on our gowns as we were wearing full PPE and all they could see were our eyes. The police stood back away from them and us, showing the same respect and kindness at every door we knocked at.

At every apartment, we asked are you okay? Do you have enough food, do you need any medications, is there anything we can do to help? There were some very simple requests, lactose free milk, an onion and tomato, dish-washing detergent, sanitary pads and toothpaste. We could see the bags and boxes of food delivered to them in the foyers, under tents outside, outside their doorways, inside their rooms. One man told us they had never had this much meat before, with the biggest smile on his face.

After each floor was completed, we came back down to “doff” which is to remove our PPE in a particular way to not contaminate ourselves or others. We had teams of paramedics to assist with each step. They possibly thought their job was insignificant, but it was just as important as ours. One little break in our PPE and we could become the next cause of community transmission. With that weighing on my mind, and of course the safety of our immediate family, I have never been so anxious about doffing in my decades of nursing! The police were guided as well and they too were grateful as I’m sure they were as anxious as we were.

We then cleaned and restocked our trolley, donned PPE and set off again with a new list and more amazing and beautiful residents to test. At one stage on the first day when we were donned waiting to go in, I looked up at the frightened people on the third-floor balconies watching us from behind the glass. We sent the biggest, animated kisses with both hands to them and they were delighted! We continued to blow kisses backwards and forwards and it made my heart so full knowing that they knew we really do care.

The first day we worked there was no food available at a quick lunch break as it had all been eaten. There were a lot of hungry nurses lol. There were 10 teams of us who agreed to stay on and try and get through the swabbing, and we swabbed until 9pm. We had to stop as its unfair on the residents to keep going later than that. We were disappointed to find there were a couple of floors left, but we had done each building at Flemington Road towers by then, an amazing effort by so many.

Yesterday was the North Melbourne towers. We attended 3 different towers. The first one the lift was broken. We were meant to start at 18th floor. I said I could go up the stairs for a few floors, but not many as we had to carry our trolleys with us. We were lucky to have the first floor and when we had finished there, the lift was fixed.

Again, the residents were so grateful for being tested. They were so worried for their health and that of their families. They proudly showed their negative results on the texts on their phones and wanted to be tested again as that was a week ago. Most were worried about not being able to go to work and support their families or lose their jobs. For many there were single parents because the spouse had been locked out, some had nieces, nephews, cousins etc that had been locked in. There were some laughs at not knowing the birth dates of these young relatives. These people had simple requests as well. We were so lucky to have a social worker with us yesterday as she was able to arrange what was needed then and there.

My heart was full when I left thanks to the “I love you” said to us, the constant thanks and displays of gratitude. We were invited into many homes, even offered a tea or coffee. I went into a few rooms with elderly, frail and young children. This was optional and only if we felt safe. We did, we felt like guests. I saw many, many boxes of food and supplies at the three towers we attended yesterday.

I have so many wonderful memories of the last few days, none were bad, they were all positive. So please understand that whatever the media portrays is not necessarily true. We were there with firsthand experience. The wheels are in motion to support these people, maybe it was slow to happen, but from what I saw it has now been put in place. There are translators, social workers, support systems and many resources out there.

I want to express my thanks and gratitude to the most incredible nurses from Knox that I have had the honour to work alongside. We have supported each other and together we have made an incredible difference to these people’s lives. I am so honoured to be a nurse and have each of your backs, as you have mine!”

Stay positive, stay safe, stay happy… Sandy

So timely…

June 30, 2020

‘People with a high state of consciousness are not frozen into inaction by terror brought about through disasters. They immediately make a plan to turn the negative energy to advantage. At this level of creative imagination, Soul is in a condition of survival. The lesson of the worlds of matter is to develop Soul’s ability to ride the crest of life. This is vairag, detached love.

Harold Klemp, The Language of Soul


A premonition prepares me for an unexpected outcome

I am back after some living in the fast lane for a short while. Last week I had a heart attack, but I survived to tell the tale and gained much from the experience. Without going into a long story, on the same day as I had this unexpected health episode I was back home, faithfully promising the hospital to return for them to do further exams and use a stent to bypass the occlusion that was creating problems. And…I had a dream. I was travelling down a one-way-street, but in the wrong direction. Police cars were driving fast towards me, sirens screaming, lights flashing. “Uh oh”, I thought on waking, “I wonder what it means, but I suspect it’s not a promising outcome.”

In the next couple of days, having discovered that my veins were shaped like curly noodles, the unsuccessful couple of attempts to insert stents came as no surprise. But, prepared, as I was by the dream, I took it all in my customary positive stride ready and open to other possibilities. Life is such a wonderful adventure and I greatly value what each day brings, no matter what form it takes.

June 19, 2020

Finding gifts in dreams

I woke up this morning, glad to remember my dreams because, when I don’t, I feel I miss the opportunity to benefit from the hidden messages contained within. One of them was about chatting with my next door neighbour (an inner entity) and comparing the way our gardens appeared. Mine was rather arid- looking, clearly showing the results of my water-saving efforts to assist our dry land. My neighbour’s, in comparison, was luscious and green and teeming with life, flowers and foliage attracting birds and insects. When I passed a comment about the comparison I was making, he smiling replied, “True, but you are so happy.” And I realised I was!

At times I have regretted (but not really, it’s only a fleeting thought because I live in the present), that I had been unable to embrace living a spiritual life sooner. But doing so would have deprived me of so many opportunities for growing and learning from the gifts each moment presents.